Oh hey people XD Well this will be the 200th post for this boring and useless blog of mine haha XD

Well one point to note here, it will be a super emo post so if you cannot take it, you are more than welcome to leave.

I guess for the past few days my emotions are in some kind of a wrecked, I have lost a huge portion of my sanity, I fear if things goes on as it is, I might just take my life soon...

What is wrong with me, I know my heart is so rubbish, I wish I can get into some kind of accident and lose all my memories, maybe from there, I can finally start anew and be less troubled, but such luck is not with me.

I guess I start to feel the strain since Thursday, I lost a lot of my emotions, I became very cold and unfeeling to everyone around me, I replied to every single person with a weak smile or a simple nod, I guess that is a way of me saying, "No I am not ok, but please don't leave me hanging alone." but yet I refuse to openly voice it in fear of troubling the people around me... I spoke with Diyanah and really got a lot of things out of my chest and thought I really felt much better... Well at least that is what I thought....

Then come Friday, I came to school early in the morning at about 8 am, hoping that I would find some people to hang out with, but the cluster was empty... So I basically just stoned there with my laptop and after awhile, I guess the emptiness just got to me and I just broke down there and then. I was crying damn badly for about half an hour and yes sadly I was seen crying, though I really hoped to cry it out alone. To make things worse, I was forcing myself to stop crying because I really cannot go help out with the open house duty in tears, so when I finally stopped crying, I go washed up and prepare to go for my duty.

Throughout the period of doing my duty, I managed to put my mind at ease at least for awhile. Then after that, I went over to help out at the JTC booth at atrium for open house. Then I rushed out to get the ingredients for the cooking session. I returned and continue to help out at the booth for awhile more before heading off to starting preparing for the cooking session. So after all the preparation and stuff, the session started and well it finished quite ok as well. Then after that just cooked for the GLs to eat, and after I am done cooking, I guess I was not hungry, I never eat anything and I just walked to the carpark sat there and I broke down again....

I guess I really suck with all this kind of rubbish...

Then yesterday, woke up early and went to school at about 9 plus. Then was just like slacking around and setting up the place until about 11. The crowd start coming in and we start to get busy, so I was moving around booths to help out. Then around 1 plus, I got into costume and continued to do my job and moved around. Oh, the stage collapsed and apparently someone got injured. I hope he is better now. Well then soon the event ended and the whole JTC got our group picture taken and we packed up. Had dinner at alumni and spammed loads of anime stuff with both Sakus XD Then went home, the journey home was rather long... Chatted with wen xiao and stuff and well she said some stuff and it really affected me...Reached home and stoned around, then I got tired and just as I slept I broke down again.....

Woke up today morning in very bad condition and stuff, it was so frustrating... Chatted with Diyanah and Tricia on MSN half way and I freaking broke down again, like fuck, this is it, crying for 3 days in a row, what rubbish is my emotions getting into....


I know the reason for the tears after some while.... I guess it is about me falling in love with the wrong person, and I thought I would not fall in love with that person, because I know I am in love with another girl... But I guess when I found out the girl has another, my heart just shifted accordingly......

I feel like some bastard..... I suck......

Oh well this is just rubbish.....


Jya

Labels: Rubbish