Well yesterday was a very eventful day.

The morning started with me going to school, and staring at mdm ho eat buffet while she teaches us, so evil right, never offer us anything to eat XD

Then have chemistry mock test after that, I wanted to sleep after completing the paper, then just when I was sleeping so nicely, y whole body went into spasm and me wake up is shock and I nearly fell off the chair. lollers.

Then I went to find Quan, well I guess it wasa mistake on my part bah, I should have guessed his mood. Stupid fever and lousy mind. Then we watched hitman. After that he was scolding his brother for buying a lighter, till now I am still trying to think of the reason....he told his parents that he don't want his brother to waste money on such stuffs. But I think it is more like he don't want his brother to become worse than before bah. such a caring brother yea ^^

then we went to play basketball with Jiayi, though I didn't play much, since Quan disallowed me due to my condition. After that the rain came, we sought shelter. The rain subsided, then we play again, then it rain again, we run back into shelter. then Jiayi went home, I followed Quan, as he walked in the rain. Yes I know I am stupid and that I could choose not follow, but hey, this is my godbro we are talking about here, I won't forgive myself if any mishaps is to happen him ok.
Then as the rain hit against my face, I start to realise many things, I finally know what I was striving for and now I am able to live much better.

I have found that strength within, the one, which always seem so near but yet so far. After I got it, I felt much better, but this time I wonder, by becoming stronger, is it even a right choice? It seems to me that everytime something good happens to me, something bad happens to the people around me. I simply don't know why this always happen. It definitely is not a coincidence, as there is no coincidence in this world but inevitable.

Then I went home afterwards, got abit of rest, talked on msn, ranted to Chuan. Then Pearly called at about 10++ and we talked lor. Then she fell asleep at about 1++ haha XD

During that time, something hurtful happen. Quan send me messages which he didn't mean harm but unknowingly hurt me. I won't blame him for this, I understand the plight he is going through, the pain is very excrutiating. This time, I will let him learn to stand up alone, I know I can't be beside him forever, and I also can't be with the piggies forever too, so it is a good thing to see them grow up and mature. Though Quan is growing at a very scary and fast rate which is very bad, and good in someways, but I just wish he will stop bottling up all the problems. Since the day we became a family, we have an obligation to support each other, we will never leave anyone behind, we will move on together and share weal and woe together.

But he repeatedly sent me two messages that call me to leave him alone, I guess my existence this time was no longer a comfort, but a pain. When I called him, he told me not to disturb him. This tell me my existence is a disturbance anddistraction to him. I won't take my life with this, I may cry, but they will make me grow, I will solemnly wait in the shadows till my existence is needed.

Just recover fast, pain from love is always just so ridiculous, but as human, we must live and forget. Pain is an element of growth. I won't strive to seek happiness, so I would just say sorry that girl, I won't confess. I have let go of my grip on you guys, you are all a free-man/woman now. You can go on and seek whatever happiness you want, you need not consider my feelings, as they won't be there to stop you. Yet when life seems very down and you need someone to talk to, I am glad to surface and lend you a listening ear. I won't disappear, just in the shadows of you guys.

I am down to my biggest fear, that is love, though I am prepare for so many things, I don't get love. The joy and relieve is wonderfully large, but so is the pain. It is simply a very mysterious feeling, I don't get why a simple emotion must become so complicated and painful. I need time to seek for the answer.


A simple sentence:

In three words, I can summarise everything that I have learned about life: It goes on.

Labels: lor