Sians lalaal


Well I have not blogged for maybe like 10 days lor. haha XD


well nvm lar ^^

recently the O's is a rocky ride.

Hope the remainder paper will be slightly less rocky.

Well just happy.

This Saturday got tea session for the Youth camp ^^ 13 november is last day of exam and prom night too

Item list for tea session + Prom night:

Black collared shirt

Black pants

Black shoes

Black mask


well as you can see I have 2 things off the list le ^^

but well haven't clear debt yet haiz


Total debt : $229.80

sian.....

Labels: debty

Ok I will say something, YESTERDAY'S PRACTICAL EXAM, I DIED!!!!!!


I was rammed sadly today by Teck Chuan ^^ well nvm, I was at fault too, I shouldn't jump in front of him.

Teck Chuan, you need not say sorry for this, it didn't cause much damage to me^^

It at most add on to my previous injury, which well currently I can barely breathe, but I will live through this, so don't worry ^^



Well yesterday was a very eventful day.

The morning started with me going to school, and staring at mdm ho eat buffet while she teaches us, so evil right, never offer us anything to eat XD

Then have chemistry mock test after that, I wanted to sleep after completing the paper, then just when I was sleeping so nicely, y whole body went into spasm and me wake up is shock and I nearly fell off the chair. lollers.

Then I went to find Quan, well I guess it wasa mistake on my part bah, I should have guessed his mood. Stupid fever and lousy mind. Then we watched hitman. After that he was scolding his brother for buying a lighter, till now I am still trying to think of the reason....he told his parents that he don't want his brother to waste money on such stuffs. But I think it is more like he don't want his brother to become worse than before bah. such a caring brother yea ^^

then we went to play basketball with Jiayi, though I didn't play much, since Quan disallowed me due to my condition. After that the rain came, we sought shelter. The rain subsided, then we play again, then it rain again, we run back into shelter. then Jiayi went home, I followed Quan, as he walked in the rain. Yes I know I am stupid and that I could choose not follow, but hey, this is my godbro we are talking about here, I won't forgive myself if any mishaps is to happen him ok.
Then as the rain hit against my face, I start to realise many things, I finally know what I was striving for and now I am able to live much better.

I have found that strength within, the one, which always seem so near but yet so far. After I got it, I felt much better, but this time I wonder, by becoming stronger, is it even a right choice? It seems to me that everytime something good happens to me, something bad happens to the people around me. I simply don't know why this always happen. It definitely is not a coincidence, as there is no coincidence in this world but inevitable.

Then I went home afterwards, got abit of rest, talked on msn, ranted to Chuan. Then Pearly called at about 10++ and we talked lor. Then she fell asleep at about 1++ haha XD

During that time, something hurtful happen. Quan send me messages which he didn't mean harm but unknowingly hurt me. I won't blame him for this, I understand the plight he is going through, the pain is very excrutiating. This time, I will let him learn to stand up alone, I know I can't be beside him forever, and I also can't be with the piggies forever too, so it is a good thing to see them grow up and mature. Though Quan is growing at a very scary and fast rate which is very bad, and good in someways, but I just wish he will stop bottling up all the problems. Since the day we became a family, we have an obligation to support each other, we will never leave anyone behind, we will move on together and share weal and woe together.

But he repeatedly sent me two messages that call me to leave him alone, I guess my existence this time was no longer a comfort, but a pain. When I called him, he told me not to disturb him. This tell me my existence is a disturbance anddistraction to him. I won't take my life with this, I may cry, but they will make me grow, I will solemnly wait in the shadows till my existence is needed.

Just recover fast, pain from love is always just so ridiculous, but as human, we must live and forget. Pain is an element of growth. I won't strive to seek happiness, so I would just say sorry that girl, I won't confess. I have let go of my grip on you guys, you are all a free-man/woman now. You can go on and seek whatever happiness you want, you need not consider my feelings, as they won't be there to stop you. Yet when life seems very down and you need someone to talk to, I am glad to surface and lend you a listening ear. I won't disappear, just in the shadows of you guys.

I am down to my biggest fear, that is love, though I am prepare for so many things, I don't get love. The joy and relieve is wonderfully large, but so is the pain. It is simply a very mysterious feeling, I don't get why a simple emotion must become so complicated and painful. I need time to seek for the answer.


A simple sentence:

In three words, I can summarise everything that I have learned about life: It goes on.

Labels: lor

I am finally letting loose my grip of them le.

Being able to do that, I am very happy for both them and myself. Soon they will not need to be constantly under my clutches. From this I hope they will finally be abe to enjoy freedom. I won't leave, but I won't butt in as much anymore.


I won't be selfish no more, I won't appear unless you want to see me. In this manner, I can reduce the risk of me randomly hurting you people. Don't think this as I am leaving cos I am not, I am only shadowing myself, till I am needed.


You may think I am stupid atempting to do this, but I have to do this, one is because I do not want to hurt you guys, but I will update you on my condition so don't worry if I am hiding anything from you. Second is that I just want the time to let me recover, cos I have very little time left to recover le.


Well I hope you all will understand my intentions, and respect it thanks.


A quote for the piggies:

我会在一旁守护着你们，但我只是离你们一个转生的距离，好让你们在转身时能看见我。

Labels: ...

I HATE MY FEVER!!!!!!!


Current status: sick, very very very sick. Chest pain like mad, stomach dun feel anything right. Head is spinning 720 degrees. Fever at 40 degrees celcius. Going crazy, feel like dying, dying........


Well who cares if I die or not, I can just jump off a building and who knows, maybe even passerbys won't even bother calling police or ambulance unless I damaged someone's property.
This way I will just die there and my body will rot on the ground, and only then will the police be called, as the stench shall be too much for them to handle.

So well, I am confused, I can't think straight, I just want to die, I don't care already, who will be sad to begin with, I am so useless and insignificant lor.


That's all ciaos.

Labels: ciaossu

Emo post alert muahahahahahhahahah!!!!! same rule applies.









































Haiz, if time could reverse, how i wish it will reverse to the start of the year when I first met Shiroi.

What will I do if I knew things will lead to this?

Maybe i would not have stayed back that day, so in this manner, I don't think we will ever be this close, I will never have met Aoi, Pinku or Reddo. Then, mabe in this manner, my leaving will be silent and peaceful. I think that, without my presence, probably Aoi's and Shiroi's relaionship won't be so tense. At the very least, their feelings won't be confessed out and they could stay the same and always laugh.

But when I come in, I forced Aoi to stop faking a smile, this apparently made him vulnerable to the elements of love. I was highly saddened by this fact and was very remorseful over it, I am terribly sorry, for stripping your armour, it is my fault. Aoi, I don't mind you scolding me for doing so, in fact it will make me feel so much better.

Well Shiroi, you may not suffer so much, if I hadn't come into your life, in this way, you and Aoi could still be very good friends, and not feel so awkward. I am so sorry for coming in...

Pinku and Reddo, I am also sorry, when I come into your lives, I only seem to mess it up, always troubling you guys. I am sorry for taking up your precious time.

Labels: emo

Caution: Extreme confusion plus emoness, please don't read if you don't want to. Quan and Pearl, I strongly suggest you guys don't read this lest you two get too sad and stressed during your EOY week.







































For this past few months, what exactly have I been doing?

Wrecking myself?
Stressing myself with problems that weren't even mine to begin with?
Caring too much about friends?
Indulge in utter self pity?
Neglecting studies?

WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING!!!!! SOMEONE TELL ME!!!!!

I am starting to lose my focus, should I just end everything right here and right now?

My life is in a mess, I have no idea why I have dropped to this state....

I never had such a problem for the past few years in secondary school life.

Why now? Why during my sec 4 year?

Maybe I should stop making friends?

Or should I just face up to the fact that I am not fit to gain friends, I am confused, very very confused, I want to breakdown but my heart tells me that they will worry and is holding my tears back very very tightly, I am on the verge of dying, is there anything I can do?

Someone show me the light, tell me what I am suppose to do.

With all this problems squashing me, I feel so ever breathless and it seems my time is shortening, I do not know how long more do I have before I wil take my own life.

My friends tell me to let them be, but can I really do it? I find I can't, probably I am weak and do not have he determination to do so, I am afterall just an ass who knows nothing about life. I claim I have seen much about life and is well versed in handling different situations, but is it really all true?

Maybe I am even more innocent and naive than anyone else. This stress is causing me so much pain...

Sometimes I am just a busybody bah, everyone's problem I also want to poke my nose into it, but it has become a habit and hard to change though not impossible.

I am so stupid, stupid, STUPID!!!!!!!! I can give so many advices to my friends, but when I am in their situation I was a total blank and blur, how can I even be fit to give those advices?

To the buta family,

I am not even sure if I should be called to as your oldest brother. Probably I should be the youngest, with my stupidity and naiveness, I have no confidence in protecting you guys at all, I will only fail even more than before.

As you guys can see, all I have been doing this past few months, is only bring you guys more and more pain, and yet I claim to say that I will protect you guys when the one hurting you guys most is me.

This is just it, I cannot take it no more, I am simply going crazy, I might as well just die right now................................



AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO LIKE THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Labels: Ending?

It sure has been long since I last posted a poem ahha. So now I shall post one ^^


Nameless

Walking down this lonely path,
Memories starts to disperse,
Friends may never last,
Emotions becomes scarce
And life becomes sparse.

As path lengthens,
Loneliness strengthens,
Fears saddens,
Hearts hidden,
From my vision.

Yet,
At the end of the path,
Light shone vast,
Guiding life into us,
Friends starts to come,
Healing us with their warmth.




Ok I was seriously crapping on thi one, have no idea what to write muahaha XD

Labels: poem

Having morning blues now haha XD


Bored at home haha XD studies for abit too long righ now, so taking break, must continue later though, then got school at 4 to abt 6 like that, sian sia.....


well dun care lar, getting used to it already so I guess I shall let time tell its tale bah.


Ok I am seriously crapping too much liao, I have no idea what I am talking about hahahahaha XD

Labels: crapping